Ready for a Serious Relationship?
Internet dating services make things sound pretty easy. Give them a few minutes and a few bucks and they’ll find you a soul mate. You’ll be all set to live happily ever after. Unfortunately, many singles in America aren’t healthy enough to pursue a serious relationship, don’t understand why God made us male and female, and take a reckless approach to dating that produces heartache.
HEALTHY ENOUGH? – Here are some qualities you’ll need to build a solid relationship that results in marriage.
Committed to Christ – No one was intended to try anything as complex as marriage without the Lord’s help.
Stable as a Single – If you are desperate to be married, you aren’t ready for it. A person who is starving doesn’t concern himself with making wise nutritional choices. To build a meaningful relationship, you need to get to know someone well enough to judge whether this is a person you should marry. If you are desperate to marry, you won’t be able to make that judgment. The key to becoming stable as a single is in nurturing your relationship with God. The stronger you are in Him, the more stable you will be. You will be able to trust God for the right time and circumstances to be married.
Financially Stable – Okay, maybe very few people really feel financially stable. But you need to have enough control of your finances that you aren’t looking for marriage to solve your financial troubles. We know that people sometimes marry for financial stability, but we think it is a very poor motive. If financial gain is one of your motives for marrying someone, your view of the relationship will be distorted.
Emotionally Whole – If you are carrying hurt from the past, it will sabotage your future relationships. You will overreact to small hurts in the future, because they remind you of big hurts you are carrying from the past. Your hurt can be healed if you let God pour His love on you and if you forgive those who have hurt you. Receiving God’s love is not a one time experience. In prayer, Bible study, and worship, you need to regularly be reminded of His love. When you understand His great love, it will overshadow and heal your hurt from the past.
Forgiven – If you are carrying guilt from the past, it will damage your ability to relate to anyone now. God promises to remove from us the power and the penalty of all our past sins. As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. (Psalm 103:12)
Free of Life Controlling Habits – If you are controlled by Drugs, Alcohol, Tobacco, Gambling, or Pornography, and you are trying to get serious with someone, you are likely to take one of four unhealthy courses.
1) You may ask someone else to put up with your bad habits, sacrificing a relationship of mutual respect for one of co-dependence,
2) You may find someone who wants to be your caretaker, rather than seeking a healthy relationship themselves,
2) You may try to cover up the problem, becoming a liar to people who matter to you most, or
3) You may seek out someone who is controlled by the same things you are, making it twice as hard for either of you ever to be set free.
If you are thinking that a relationship with someone is going to give you the strength to quit the things that control you, you are taking an unfair approach to the relationship. You need to get free of your life-controlling habits before you consider a serious relationship with anyone.
You can be healthy, but you'd be making a mistake pursuing a serious relationship if you aren't.
HEALTHY ENOUGH? – Here are some qualities you’ll need to build a solid relationship that results in marriage.
Committed to Christ – No one was intended to try anything as complex as marriage without the Lord’s help.
Stable as a Single – If you are desperate to be married, you aren’t ready for it. A person who is starving doesn’t concern himself with making wise nutritional choices. To build a meaningful relationship, you need to get to know someone well enough to judge whether this is a person you should marry. If you are desperate to marry, you won’t be able to make that judgment. The key to becoming stable as a single is in nurturing your relationship with God. The stronger you are in Him, the more stable you will be. You will be able to trust God for the right time and circumstances to be married.
Financially Stable – Okay, maybe very few people really feel financially stable. But you need to have enough control of your finances that you aren’t looking for marriage to solve your financial troubles. We know that people sometimes marry for financial stability, but we think it is a very poor motive. If financial gain is one of your motives for marrying someone, your view of the relationship will be distorted.
Emotionally Whole – If you are carrying hurt from the past, it will sabotage your future relationships. You will overreact to small hurts in the future, because they remind you of big hurts you are carrying from the past. Your hurt can be healed if you let God pour His love on you and if you forgive those who have hurt you. Receiving God’s love is not a one time experience. In prayer, Bible study, and worship, you need to regularly be reminded of His love. When you understand His great love, it will overshadow and heal your hurt from the past.
Forgiven – If you are carrying guilt from the past, it will damage your ability to relate to anyone now. God promises to remove from us the power and the penalty of all our past sins. As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. (Psalm 103:12)
Free of Life Controlling Habits – If you are controlled by Drugs, Alcohol, Tobacco, Gambling, or Pornography, and you are trying to get serious with someone, you are likely to take one of four unhealthy courses.
1) You may ask someone else to put up with your bad habits, sacrificing a relationship of mutual respect for one of co-dependence,
2) You may find someone who wants to be your caretaker, rather than seeking a healthy relationship themselves,
2) You may try to cover up the problem, becoming a liar to people who matter to you most, or
3) You may seek out someone who is controlled by the same things you are, making it twice as hard for either of you ever to be set free.
If you are thinking that a relationship with someone is going to give you the strength to quit the things that control you, you are taking an unfair approach to the relationship. You need to get free of your life-controlling habits before you consider a serious relationship with anyone.
You can be healthy, but you'd be making a mistake pursuing a serious relationship if you aren't.
posted by Rich Sexton | 5:35 PM
1 Comments:
Nuturing our relationship with God is a key, but so is nurturing our relationships with other people. Healthy relationships with people of the same and opposite sex grows us to be able to know what a healthy romantic relationship is like.
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