Trust and Sex

We Need Trust

The human heart wants to trust a partner of the opposite sex and wants to know that their relationship is exclusive. The human heart gets hurt when we think we have an exclusive relationship and find that our partner has “cheated”.

Irrational Expectations

Humans, though, can be irrational with this desire in two ways.

1. John feels hurt that his wife cheated on him, even though he has been unfaithful himself.

2. Julie has been having sex with Mike without ever discussing commitment. They have never defined their relationship. She is shocked and hurt, though, to learn that Mike has also been having sex with Gina.

It’s reasonable to expect a relationship to be exclusive when you have made a commitment to each other and you are being faithful to that commitment yourself. It’s irrational to expect that a relationship is exclusive when no commitment has been offered or even discussed. It’s also irrational to expect faithfulness if you are unfaithful.

Trust is Earned

Trust in an exclusive relationship satisfies a deep desire in our heart. Trust, though, is based largely on how people have behaved toward each other.

If you have sex on the first date, you will have shown each other that it takes very little to get you in bed. You will have a very hard time trusting each other. You will be the ones checking each other’s cell phones and email.

If you don’t have sex until you are married, you will have shown each other that you only have sex with someone you are married to. You will enjoy a solid foundation of trust from the beginning.

Imagine a meter where “0” represents sex on the first date and “10” represents purity until the honeymoon. Maybe "5" represents waiting until the relationship is pretty serious and "7" represents waiting until you're engaged. The trust in your relationship will start at the point you choose. It can go up or down from there, but it will take time to change it very much.