Good Movies, Bad Dates
If the only place that you have seen dating and courtship is in the movies, you have a head full of bad ideas. Here are some of the reasons that the things that make a movie dramatic, funny, or exciting are poorly suited to lay a foundation for a future marriage.
Mutual Respect – A movie is interesting when there is hostility or indifference between two people that suddenly blossoms into love. The audience is sometimes caught off guard, or they may feel the fulfillment of something they could see coming throughout the movie. Dating and courtship is healthy when a couple practices mutual respect from the beginning. Mutual respect is valuing the thoughts and feelings of the other person, even if they are different from yours.
Honest Communication – Movies are funny when there is miscommunication, lies, and phoniness that may or may not eventually get resolved. Dating and courtship is healthy when honest communication is practiced from the beginning. A Christian who believes that God is in control of their life has no reason to be phony.
Commitment – A movie is interesting when everyone is kept guessing on who is committed to whom. A dramatic, unexpected proposal makes a nice ending to a movie. In a healthy courtship, there should be no commitment at first, a limited commitment while a couple considers marriage, and a decision to marry that comes as no surprise.
Time – A movie needs to get over in a couple of hours, so things have to develop at a pretty fast pace. A healthy courtship needs time for both people to honestly evaluate the relationship.
Counsel – A movie is interesting when the couple and their friends and family all have differing ideas on who should be with whom. Courtship is healthy when trusted friends, pastors, or mentors agree that the relationship makes sense.
Confirmation – A movie is funny when there are lots of red flags that turn out not to matter. In real life, pay attention to the red flags! It is difficult enough to see clearly through the fog that emotions sometimes create for you. Don’t ignore warning signs. If you are seeing warning signs, back off, pray, and get some counsel from someone you trust.
Sexual Purity – Dramatic sexual encounters are often used to make a movie interesting. Many times in the movies a sexual encounter is shown as the turning point in a relationship, demonstrating that this is true love and that the couple is destined for a life of happiness together. Dating and courtship is healthy when a couple maintains sexual purity until they are legally married. This lays a foundation of trust and mutual respect.
Our book, Finding Your Christian Life Partner, has more to say on these important topics.
Mutual Respect – A movie is interesting when there is hostility or indifference between two people that suddenly blossoms into love. The audience is sometimes caught off guard, or they may feel the fulfillment of something they could see coming throughout the movie. Dating and courtship is healthy when a couple practices mutual respect from the beginning. Mutual respect is valuing the thoughts and feelings of the other person, even if they are different from yours.
Honest Communication – Movies are funny when there is miscommunication, lies, and phoniness that may or may not eventually get resolved. Dating and courtship is healthy when honest communication is practiced from the beginning. A Christian who believes that God is in control of their life has no reason to be phony.
Commitment – A movie is interesting when everyone is kept guessing on who is committed to whom. A dramatic, unexpected proposal makes a nice ending to a movie. In a healthy courtship, there should be no commitment at first, a limited commitment while a couple considers marriage, and a decision to marry that comes as no surprise.
Time – A movie needs to get over in a couple of hours, so things have to develop at a pretty fast pace. A healthy courtship needs time for both people to honestly evaluate the relationship.
Counsel – A movie is interesting when the couple and their friends and family all have differing ideas on who should be with whom. Courtship is healthy when trusted friends, pastors, or mentors agree that the relationship makes sense.
Confirmation – A movie is funny when there are lots of red flags that turn out not to matter. In real life, pay attention to the red flags! It is difficult enough to see clearly through the fog that emotions sometimes create for you. Don’t ignore warning signs. If you are seeing warning signs, back off, pray, and get some counsel from someone you trust.
Sexual Purity – Dramatic sexual encounters are often used to make a movie interesting. Many times in the movies a sexual encounter is shown as the turning point in a relationship, demonstrating that this is true love and that the couple is destined for a life of happiness together. Dating and courtship is healthy when a couple maintains sexual purity until they are legally married. This lays a foundation of trust and mutual respect.
Our book, Finding Your Christian Life Partner, has more to say on these important topics.
posted by Rich Sexton | 7:43 AM
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