I'm Pregnant! Should I Hurry and Get Married?

Sometimes a couple may think getting married is the only responsible act if they have gotten pregnant. This is only true if you can put the marriage on a solid foundation. This will take even more work than it would have if the couple had started right from the beginning. A bad marriage will not be in the best interest of the baby or the couple. Getting married doesn’t undo the wrong that was done in getting pregnant outside of marriage. God will forgive the past if you ask Him to, whether you get married or not. If you are pregnant and think you want to pursue marriage, go see a pastor or counselor together soon to get some help.

There are two other options that are better than bringing a child into a marriage that isn’t going to work.

Adoption is a loving and responsible option for a pregnant woman. This may be a difficult choice, but you can find compassionate people who will help you through the adoption process. You will be placing your child in the hands of someone who will be better able to care for it.

Another option is for the child to be raised by the more stable and responsible of the two parents, while the two break off their relationship. If there are other family members who will provide a network of support, this can work, but it is a difficult road. If you are raising a child as a single parent, here are some suggestions.

• Get active in church. You need the healthy network and your child needs to be close to intact families that are healthy.
• Be honest with your child. Children tend to repeat the mistakes of their parents unless they are trained to do otherwise. It may hurt your pride to admit to your child that what you did was wrong, but it is essential for them to understand the difference between right and wrong.
• Recognize that you have a primary responsibility for the care of your child. Raising a child is an important responsibility and is challenging even for a married couple. Realize that you may have to make some sacrifices to do a good job of raising your child. You may have to postpone some of your dreams.
• Be very careful about dating or bringing a step-parent into the family. You brought this child into the world. You should now put a high priority on raising him or her to the best of your ability. If this means deferring any further romance in your own life until the child is out of the house or out of college, so be it. If you pursue a serious relationship with someone while you are raising a child, make very sure the person you are considering is secure enough to show love and respect to you and your child(ren). Don’t let someone use kindness to your children as a trick to get to your heart. Look, pray, and think, long and hard before you get even a little serious with someone. The probability and the consequences of failure in marriage are higher if there are already children involved. Having said that, we know there are many beautiful examples of blended families and step parenting that have worked well.
• Use your support network without becoming overly dependent or neglecting your responsibilities. If you have parents who are willing to watch your child while you work, that may be a good alternative. If, on the other hand, they are willing to watch your child while you are frequently out running around with your old friends, you need to grow up and stay home with your child.
• Work out contact with the other parent in a way that preserves peace and safety for the child. Contact with both parents may benefit the child, but not if there is constant fighting and backstabbing between parents.

For a couple to stay together unmarried with a child they have had together is to invite turmoil and to confuse the child. You either need to be pursuing a healthy marriage, or you need to break it up and move on.

We don’t mention abortion as an option, because we believe it is always wrong.